As we begin to plan for the Big Adventure* in detail, this is a year of dreaming for us. As well as the aspects of insulation and heating systems, I also dream the life I wish to lead once we move in to our new house. I dream details of my home, my garden, my business. I am dreaming a life.

At the same time, I believe that we are each part of the Great Collective that makes up this world. Just one element in the living being that is the Earth. We humans have a unique gift among our fellow beings: we are the Earth become conscious. What we think, what we dream and long for, feeds into the reality we create for ourselves and ‘all our relations’. I believe it is our responsibility to think and dream beauty and peace for our world. Read the rest of this entry »

At this darkest time of the year, I feel empty. Taken apart piece by piece, and scoured clean. After four months, I am still in pain, and many things that I once identified myself by are gone. I feel suspended, hanging by a single thread. Waiting for the tide to turn, for the light to return at the Solstice.

Back in August, I was City Lit’s long serving Dutch tutor. Now I’m not teaching Dutch for the first time in sixteen years, and may never do so again. Back then, I was not in top notch condition, but my body was not stopping me from doing things. Now I have been unable to work for months. Then, I had a part-time office job and felt useful. Now they’re coping just fine without me. Then, I had this belief that my spirits would heal me, and I would never need anything like antidepressants. Now I’m taking just that, hoping it will help with the physical pain.

Bit by bit, my image of myself has been taken apart. I’ve been reduced to the bare bones. What is left is not what you would expect.
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