A few weeks ago, our neighbours moved out. They had lived in the house next door for nearly 30 years, and we'd been their neighbours for about half that time. This quiet couple whose children had left home have been replaced by a family with two young boys, one of whom seems to very much enjoy shrieking at the top of his voice. The adjoining wall isn't very thick. You can hear people sneeze next door. This is going to be very different.

Different also is the fact that I will be going to work in an office for three days a week. Except for a couple of months back in 1994, that hasn't ever happened to me. I've always been a freelance teacher working from home and my clients' premises. Now I have colleagues. And a desk. And thirteen tutors with all their courses to look after. That's a big change.

My husband has done two months in a new job as well. Instead of being an employee, he is now a self-employed contractor with a customer rather than a boss. This adds up to longer hours and the odd day of weekend work. Just 18 months or so ago, he was working three days a week and at home the other four. Very, very different.

I'm not sure how I'm going to adapt to these changes. Some of it feels quite challenging. My relationship with my husband feels different. My relationship with my place of work feels different. I feel different. What will the long term effect of all this be? Will I soon feel exhausted and too tired to do anything but work? Or will this energise me, and motivate me to use the time that I'm not working for other, greater things. I'm hoping for the latter, but who knows.

What makes me optimistic is that I feel different inside. I feel lighter. I feel less anxious and stressed than I have for ... about as long as I can remember. Some of it comes from the leap of faith I took about a month ago, committing myself to my role as a priestess. Doing some spiritual work every day definitely keeps me connected to spirit and happy. But any number of other things contribute to this new feeling as well. Just getting the new job is a real confidence booster. Getting some jobs around the house done that had been waiting for my attention for a long time helps as well. Perhaps it is something to do with the counselling sessions I am having, where I'm beginning to dig into my past and letting go of some of the survival strategies that must have helped me once but now only limit me. And I've been receiving some Bowen therapy which takes care of the physical part of that letting go.

All of those things probably contributed to the inner change I feel. But the most important thing, I think, is that I decided to trust. I have discovered that I can just let go of the clenched parts deep inside and just let myself relax. I am held by the web of life. I am held by the lady who has kept me safe from the day I was born. It feels like I am finally able to leave behind layers and layers of self-defence that I have built around myself over the years and walk free into the open air. That definitely is a change.

Is this what they mean by 'life begins at 40'? I hope so. But then on the other hand it is probably unwise to try and hold on to this new state of being. New changes will come, some of them challenging. All I can do is watch what I have now, be grateful, and trust that I will be held as I have been from the beginning.