Full Leaf Moon

Things are not going as planned. The Westacre Project is running late. So is the Spring. And doing sunrise meditations isn't working for me either.

I had it all worked out in my head. We'd move from Harrow to Westacre at the Winter Solstice. We would start work on the Westacre project immediately. I would take on the garden and have at least potatoes planted in March. And I would go out every morning at Sunrise to meditate and connect with my new land. It didn't quite go that way.

I'm especially disappointed about the Sunrise meditation. I really hoped that it would work out. The plan was, that as the days lengthened, I would go out earlier each day and go back to bed afterwards for some more sleep. Unfortunately, my body disagrees. I just cannot get back to sleep. And all of that is playing havoc with my sleeping patterns and my energy.

It doesn't help that it is still so very cold. You'd expect that by late March Spring would be well on its way and the temperatures would be rising. Instead, I am writing this with snow on the ground, in an outdoor temperature of 2 degrees C and a biting Easterly wind. Of course, it's even colder at Sunrise.

I can feel myself resisting the reality of now. I feel guilty about abandoning my experiment. And I am judging the snow for being in my way, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's not supposed to be like this.

But resisting it really doesn't help. Me getting grumpy at the unseasonably cold weather really isn't going to make the snow melt or the sun come out. In the same way, getting worried about the timing of the Westacre Project is not going to make the clock turn back or the jobs miraculously done. Resisting the reality of what is, in this moment, is both useless and a waste of energy and inner peace.

So I have to work with what I've got. A house that isn't ready to start renovating just yet, gives us plenty of jobs to do in order to get it there. A garden under snow takes away any need to worry about the digging and planting that has not been done, and gives me ample opportunity to do some practical planning work. A meditation practice that isn't quite as romantic as I would have hoped, still has the potential to connect me deeply to the place where I live and work.

Accepting these realities isn't easy. After a very long Winter, we are all longing for warm sunny days. It is human nature to resist and protest what is uncomfortable. But real peace comes from that kind of acceptance. And the first step is to accept our human nature and the feelings of resistance that arise.

It's a very small beginning, but accepting just that, just our own human feelings, gives us the space to breathe more easily and embrace the reality of now.