It's no easy task I have set myself. It's quite difficult to let go of my little addictions, especially since they are such innocent looking habits and the opportunities are always there. But at least I am looking at them, avoiding some of them some of the time. Progress is being made.

What helps me to stop my fingers as they reach for the radio 'on' button or begin to type 'facebook' into the URL box is this imperative that came to me a week or so ago:

"Turn towards the uncomfortable feelings. Don't look away."

Because that's what I'm doing. By reading my friends' recent status updates for the third time in an hour, or by letting Radio 4 chatter fill my kitchen, I am masking feelings. I am turning away from life as it flows through me.

So this week I have been looking. And I have found a kind of perpetual dread. And a little sadness, and anger, and fear, all of them to do with the many life changes I wrote about a month or so back. I looked and, at least some of the time, didn't turn away. I listened to the feelings as they sat in my body, as they moved through me. I followed every nuance of them with my awareness. I saw where some of them had come from. I felt them build. And I noticed how they faded as I breathed with them.

Some of that wasn't particularly comfortable. And on occasion I couldn't stop my fingers reaching for distraction anyway. But I also used some of the insight I had gained to talk to my husband and come to some agreement that makes us both happier. So instead of feeling resentful, I'm now looking forward to an evening out together.

Something tells me that this isn't the end of it. "Don't look away" is nicely applicable to my daily life, but there is still that perpetual feeling of dread. I have a sense that this might be related to the state of our world. I believe that I am part of a greater whole that is this land, this planet Earth. It, and many of my fellow humans on it, are obviously in distress and as part of the whole I can't avoid feeling some of that. Here, too, I am asked to turn towards the discomfort and not look away.

But also, as I am avoiding distraction and paying attention, I can see the beauty of life all around me. Golden sunlight touching the rooftops under a grey sky. A heron passing into the West. The smell of fallen leaves. And I feel the love I have for all of that. Living in my five senses, and holding to my spiritual practice, I hope to find the strength to keep turning towards life and not look away.