Yesterday, I was at our friends' handfasting party and got talking to an acquaintance. We were comparing notes about living the life of our dreams. We agreed that it could be hard, but we need to remind ourselves that, actually, this is it. This is what we had said we would do. This is the life and this is our chance to enjoy it.

Isn't this wonderful? I'm blogging for the New Moon, for the people who enjoy reading what I have to say. Some of them I have never met, but they have let me know that my writing means something to them. How amazing is that? This is what I am doing, right now, right here. Wow.

And I am building my future with my own hands, laying floors, demolishing walls, getting quotes for windows. This is it. This is the new life growing.

But boy, it's tiring. I feel like I have about five different lives that are slipping and sliding across each other. None of it is settled. Everything is constantly moving and changing. I'm never in one place for more than a few days, or doing one thing for longer than a few hours.

Half the week, I live in Harrow. I'm on my own and going to work in London. Alex isn't there, which is odd. It's the life I'm used to, but with a big chunk missing. The other half of the week, I'm living at Westacre, which is still very much my fater-in-law's house. It's not my home yet, although my roots are growing more familiar with this soil each time I meditate in the garden. Alex is here, and it's lovely to spend time with him, even if we're doing different tasks on the bungalow project.

I am a Languages Co-ordinator at City Lit. I love that job, but the beginning of term is never easy. The economic climate is having a big impact on the small languages (my responsibility) and the tutors who teach them. Some of them won't be running because of low enrolments. Things are shifting.

When I'm at Westacre, I am a builder and a logistics person. I feel a bit incompetent at both, learning as I go along. I feel inadequate and frustrated, but at least some stuff gets done that wouldn't get done if I wasn't here.

I try to stop my work as healer and priestess from falling between the cracks in all of that, and this week I have failed entirely. This blog barely made it into being. If something else hadn't fallen through, this would not have got written. And I have done absolutely nothing on my courses.

All of that is a lot to deal with. It's stressing me out, stretching me more than is comfortable. My energy is spread too thin across all of this. Yet for now, this is my life. This is what needs to be done to get to our dream. And in fact, every step we take just now is part of that dream and builds our future life. This is the life. This is it.

Can I find the way to turn around and appreciate the wonder of it, or will I get stuck in the stress? Can I find ways to express all the heavy emotions that come with being in-between places and in-between lives, so that I have the freedom to be happy? Can I find a home, a refuge inside myself, so that I can travel between places without feeling uprooted?

At this New Moon, I am just acknowledging that this is hard. I'm allowing the darkness of this time, knowing that there is light and hoping that it will grow.