Perhaps it's because I'm an only child, but I like to do things on my own, my own way. I would rather re-invent the wheel than find out how someone else has done it before me. And I certainly don't like to ask for help. I even get slightly offended when a nice gentleman asks me if I need help lugging my heavy suitcase up the station stairs. Of course I don't need help. I can do it myself, thank you very much!
For many years, I had the same attitude to my spiritual life. I was going to do it myself, on my own, without anyone's help. I was going to find my own unique relationship with Spirit without the input of any other human being, or even any spiritual power. So I started delving into my soul on my own, battling my demons and seeking the light.
But all the while I was making myself more stressed, because I couldn't live up to the high standard I had set for myself. Surely, I 'should' feel better? Surely, a spiritual person 'must' be able to get rid of all that on her own and be happy and healthy all the time? And if I couldn't accomplish that without outside help, then surely I wasn't good enough? Right?
This fierce independence spills over into other areas of my life as well. Surely, if I can't go to work, keep a tidy house and do the garden all on my own, then there must be something wrong with me. I must be a slob, or lazy, or inadequate in some way. And the more I filled my brain with things I 'should' do, the more overwhelmed I felt and the less actually got done.
One of the jobs that really needed doing was sorting out my garage. It had been piling up with stuff that we no longer wanted but thought we needed to keep for many years, and it had become physically impossible to actually get to the back of the garage at all. It really needed sorting out. And for a long while, I thought I - or at least my husband and I - should do this on our own. But when he got a very demanding new job, I knew this wasn't going to happen. And every time I opened the garage door, my heart would sink.
As it happens, my friend is starting up her own business(1) helping people to organise themselves - a sort of hourly paid PA, but for all manner of work that people need to do but don't have time for. My garage was an ideal first job for her, so I did the unthinkable and asked for her help. In a day and a half, we not only emptied and sorted the garage but gave it a good scrubbing too. And I even enjoyed doing it! With help, it became a shared experience that both of us will remember for a long time.
Similarly, when I got so tired of trying to be more spiritual, more open, more healthy and happy that it made me anxious and depressed, I finally decided that this, too, I couldn't do on my own. I finally wrote a prayer asking Spirit for help. I started using this prayer, saying it to myself several times a day. And after about a year of this, I can say with confidence that in this case, too, asking for help made all the difference.
The prayer calls on the greatest power I could imagine: the Keepers of the Great Cauldron that contains the ever-swirling stars. It touches on my vulnerability and my need for help to live my life, to be who I am called to be. Things started changing as soon as I used the prayer. The clogged garage of my mind started to slowly clear out. Just saying it to myself would make me feel less anxious.
Little by little, I became less dependent on it for immediate relief, but it kept working through my life. Doors began to open, gateways to appear. I also asked other people, experts in their fields, to help me with my health and wellbeing. And right now, I am feeling pretty good about myself. I feel like I have finally found what I am meant to be in life. I have found the 'renewed life and renewed purpose' my prayer asks for. In the year or so that I have been using it, so much has changed.
This simple act of asking for help has had a really positive effect on me. It got my garage cleared out too. You should try it one day...
- When she gets a website, I'll put a link here!