cooking up a tasty life
On Bank Holiday Monday, I was really looking forward to a day of rest. I had been more socially active than is good for me. Don’t misunderstand me: I love people and I love being with them. But being with people, especially when there are a lot of them or when I’m entertaining them, does tire me. So after two days of cooking for friends, I really needed that holiday. I needed it to re-connect with my practice.
It’s nearly been two weeks since I pressed the reset button on my spiritual life. It has been an interesting journey so far. I am finding that a few old practices and ideas have come back to me and are building into a spirituality all my own.
Today is a New Moon. And I did something radical. Some people - my friend Cilla for one - would say it’s about time. This has been a long time coming.
I have basically pressed the reset button on my spiritual life. I’m starting again from scratch. I am taking a break from all of my favourite practices and making space to hear the guidance of Spirit more clearly. I am starting on a new journey and I have no idea where it will take me.
I have always struggled with time. There’s never enough of it to do all the things that I want to do. Again and again, I would set up elaborate schemes to help me do paid work, develop Deer Tracks, do my house work and gardening, do things for my various tribes and close relationships, and follow my own rambling spiritual journey. I was always on a quest for a system that would enable me to do it all.
About a week ago, I was going to post a tale of woe. I had it all written down, all you never wanted to know about how difficult my life is and how I am not who I want to be. And then I remembered a thought I had several weeks ago: I don’t do anything that I don’t actually want or choose to do. Most of the things I do in life are things I love. So it might be an idea to actively start loving them, instead of complaining about them.
Why do I do this? Why do I put myself through courses like Living Druidry? Why do I stick to daily practice and invest time in all this spiritual stuff? What’s the point?
All my life I have had this longing, this yearning to feel connected. When I was younger, I wanted to always feel my connection with God, to always have part of me open to him. As I grew older, and my concept of the Divine changed, that longing changed into a desire to be awake and aware, to be conscious of the life I am living with every breath. And that is why I do this. To feel the connection. To make love to this life, this aliveness in all things that is beautiful and precious to me. Every time I take a break from my life to feel that connection again, I work towards feeling it more acutely, and more consistently.
Mind you, feeling it consistently is not easy. Being very awake and feeling all those threads of connection with Spirit in all its forms can be overwhelming. I can’t yet do it for very long. So a few breaks in my life each day, just to re-connect, are necessary. Because this is what it is all about. Surely the point of life is to live it, as fully as we can.
A couple of months ago I had this thought: if Death came for me now, what would I like her to find me doing? The answer was simple, and powerful. I would like to be found making love to life. Perhaps under a tree, feeling its life force rising through me. Or perhaps enjoying a meal with my husband, savouring every bit. Or maybe dancing to the heartbeat of the earth. All of those would be great times to die.
If that is so, I had better make sure that my life is filled with such moments of intense connection. And that is why I do this. That is why I make love to life whenever I can.
A place to come home to. Somewhere to curl up warm and sleep while outside winter reigns. A place where treasure is gathered and appreciated. Tracks lead here, none come out. Read the rest of this entry »
I have come home. Here at the edge of a calm sea, apples ripe in the tree, the gulls wheeling overhead and a fire burning inside. Home. The place where my heart belongs. Read the rest of this entry »
The castle looks quite close - I could virtually touch it. Surely it can’t be much further to go? But then I notice the path winding down into the valley and up the steep hill and I feel disheartened. Read the rest of this entry »
She is imprisoned inside that castle. She is held within its strong walls, beyond a closed gate, behind a palisade, out in a deep lake, at the end of a narrow, slippery bridge. I need her to be free so I can truly live. Read the rest of this entry »
In the clearing by the sacred symbol stone I stand. Just being here awakens all my senses. I feel the joy of being alive on my skin, and I can smell it in the resinous air. I can see its vibrancy and taste it in everything around me. Everything is alive and so am I. Read the rest of this entry »
Here under the trees I have created a home. Here is where the hearth fire burns. Here is where nourishment is found. I offer them freely to al who seek a home. Read the rest of this entry »
Standing by the shore, at the edge of a cliff. Feeling the power of the rock rising up through me. I stand tall and strong. I will weather the storm. Read the rest of this entry »
I have come to the place of truth. This place could easily kill me, like it did the men whose heads top the palisade. So here I am, so close to it, within touching distance of my test. The horror is total, and it seems that there is no turning back. I feel paralysed. Read the rest of this entry »
This project needs to be finished. It is time someone did some serious work on this. The sun is just rising, so there is time to do it today. It is no use postponing this any longer. Read the rest of this entry »
It is not my time. I thought I had achieved something wonderful, but now it lies spilt. Clumsy, I knocked over the chalice with the precious liquid. And now I have to start again. Read the rest of this entry »
So fast! I ride on the current of my enthusiasm. It is exhilarating but beyond my control. Many ideas come. I am flowing. Read the rest of this entry »
Stuck here. Stuck on this very small tussock, alone, damp and cold. There is no way out. There is no way back. I am lost and without hope and so, so afraid. Will I die here? Read the rest of this entry »
Boundaries are like dry stone walls. Sometimes part of them falls down and needs re-building. We need to maintain them, because they are what keeps us safe from intrusion. Read the rest of this entry »
I have come to this castle and I can see the glamour. Is this a castle disguised as a fairy mound, or a fairy mound disguised as a castle? Read the rest of this entry »
The fortress is ancient and fallen to ruin. Still, I feel something important is hidden here. But the spear blocks the gateway. It stands sentinel, guarding a deep secret. Read the rest of this entry »
I am in the water. I am being swept along in a strong current. I am drowning. I am sinking. I am too disorientated to swim. Will this be the end of me? Read the rest of this entry »
A fire roars at the centre of a stone circle. The stones receive heat and light from the fire, but also reflect it back to the centre and to each other. Overhead, the stars of the Great Bear shine. Read the rest of this entry »
Water gushes from an ancient burial mound. It is caught in a wide basin and overflows, forming a stream into the world, flowing to the place where I am standing. The blessing of the Ancestors flows to us freely. Read the rest of this entry »
The Sun rises. In the valley, mist lingers. A path climbs up a man-made mound, and at its top another sun rises: a flag is raised in celebration of my victory. Read the rest of this entry »